I only slept 3 hours Friday night and made myself stay up all day today (Saturday) in hopes that I would be so exhausted I would fall asleep at a somewhat decent time tonight. It didn't work. It's almost 4 a.m. (Sunday) and here I am typing. I wasn't sure where to start so I think I'll do it somewhat chronologically then fill in with other random stuff I suppose.
This is going to be a long one. You may not want to read it all. That's fine. You may not want to know all of this about me. That's fine too. I feel like I need to get some of these things out though, so bear with me. I'm bearing my soul. Don't feel like you need to comment, but you can if you want. It's confessions time.
1. I am 30 years old.
2. I was born in Arizona but my parents moved back to Mississippi when I was a baby. Other than those few months in Arizona, I have lived in Mississippi my whole life.
3. My mother is one of my best friends.
4. My father and I aren't on speaking terms and I honestly don't care if I ever speak to him again.
5. I have 2 younger sisters.
6. I have 3 nephews, a niece, and a foster niece who isn't "officially" part of the family, but kind of is.
7. I was smart as a kid, had an above average IQ and was considered gifted. Not sure what happened as I got older, I seem to have lost it somewhere along the way.
8. My parents are divorced. It was a nasty one.
9. I HATED high school and didn't finish, I took the GED and went to a community college a year early.
10. I majored in business the first year I was in college, decided maybe it wasn't for me and took some time off from college to work and do other various things.
11. I worked in a bakery/ cake shop and became best friends with the owners, the wife is still a good friend of mine 12 years later.
12.I have a tattoo of a sun on my ankle.
13. My mother's father, my Papa, died of cancer. He was a smart man but was only able to go to school through the 6th grade. My education was always very important to him. When he died is when I realized I needed to go back to college. I like to think that he can look down on me and be proud that I finished college.
14. When I went back to that same community college for the second time, I majored in Elementary Education. Those were two of the best years of my life.
15. I was Baptist Student Union president and spent an entire summer in northern California on a missions trip.
16. I went to Mississippi State University to finish my degree.
17. I did not have my first kiss or my first boyfriend until I went to college.
18. I withdrew from school for a couple of semesters to take care of my Grandma. I love my Grandma more than words can say. She was one of the most godly people to ever walk the earth. I am crying as I type this because I miss her so much.
19. During the summer I was taking care of her, I was with her 24/7. At night when she went to bed, I got on the computer to chat with friends. That was the only socialization I had for a while. I met my husband online during that summer. Although I would have stayed with her and taken care of her the rest of her life, she wouldn't let me. She decided to go into a nursing home so I could have my life back. It broke my heart.
20. My husband and I met in person August 24, 2003 and got married July 17, 2004. We just knew we were supposed to be together. I know God gave him to me and I could not have chosen anyone more perfect for me than he is. He is my life.
21. I have lived in the same apartment for the last 5 years and 7 months. I am ready to move on.
22. I received my degree in December 2004, substitute taught for a semester then took a job in a nearby town teaching second grade.
23. I taught second grade for three years.
24. My Aunt Margie, one of the most important people in my life, passed away Thursday, April 5, 2007, the Thursday before Easter. We buried her on Easter Sunday. Easter was hard for me this year.
25. My Grandma passed away on December 20, 2007. She was 97. She spent Christmas with Jesus but I had to spend it without her.
26. I miss them both so much it hurts. I still cry for them almost daily. This is the first time I've told anyone that. I know the pain should be better by now but it isn't.
27. I am so thankful my Grandma lived long enough to know my husband and know that I am happily married.
28. The past year of my life has probably been the worst year of my life. But things are getting better every day and I have a lot of hope now.
29. In the past year I have these things wrong with me: depression, mood swings, anxiety attacks, an abscessed tooth, tonsillitis/bronchitis, wisdom teeth extractions, dental fillings, strep, a severe allergic reaction to penicillin I was on for strep, and most recently, the problems with my back.
30. I was on prednisone (steroids) 4 times within 4 months. They made me feel like crap.
31. I only have partial feeling in my chin and lower lip (paresthesia) due to nerve damage from the extraction of one of the wisdom teeth. It's a strange sensation. I've come to accept that this is as well as it's going to get.
32. I'm not trying to have a pity party. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me. I just need to get things out. It's probably TMI for everyone else, but it's kind of like therapy for me.
33. Speaking of therapy, I go twice a month. It's helped a lot. I don't know if I would have made it through the past year if I had not had such a great counselor.
34. This one is the hardest for me. You may want to skip it, but I need to say it. I thought about suicide a lot during the early spring. Then when I had the allergic reaction, I took some medication for the hives that interacted with another medication I was on. I could hardly breathe or move, the world was spinning and I was blacking out. I thought I really was going to die. That was my turning point. I realized that I have so much to live for and that I wasn't ready to go yet. I've gotten my priorities straight now and life is a lot better.
35. Most of my mental health issues were caused by my job. I am so glad I left. It was a tough district with a lot of issues. You just don't know.
36. I think every Christian (and non-Christian) should read Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend. This book has helped me tremendously.
37. The most important thing I learned from Boundaries is that I cannot control the actions of others, but I can control MY REACTION to others and their actions.
(The rest of these will less serious and a lot more RANDOM.)
38. I hope to have my own bakery/ cake shoppe one day.
39. Some of my happiest times are during the summers when I am a housewife.
40. I love to cook and I'm pretty good at it. I think that's one of the reasons my husband married me.
41. I like to sew.
42. I am going to try to make most of the Christmas gifts I give this year myself. I am very excited about this.
43. I love to give gifts. I always try to give thoughtful gifts.
44. I like to scrapbook but haven't done one page in the past 5 years. That's about to change.
45. I can't wait to be a mom. I feel like a childless mother. Now someone give me a motherless child and things will be a little better in the world.
46. I want to homeschool my future child/children.
47. I'm a bibliophile. I collect books. I own over a thousand.
48. When I cleaned out my classroom at the end of the year, I had to rent a storage unit to store all of my personal teaching stuff.
49. I'm a pack-rat.
50. I strive to be organized but never feel that I am.
51. I love music. It is a huge part of who I am, even though I can't play an instrument.
52. I don't sing well, but I don't let that stop me. If I know the words, I'm going to sing along.
53. One of the things I want to do before I die, or I guess I should say before he dies, is to attend a Jimmy Buffet concert.
54. One of my goals in life is to learn sign language.
55. Another is to learn to play the guitar.
56. I (eventually) want to have an environmentally friendly "green" home.
57. One of my favorite things to do is look at homes for sale on the internet.
58. I (eventually) want to grow as much of my own food as possible.
59. I think I already mentioned my love/hate relationship with Wal-Mart.
60. I think I'm losing my hair. More about that in an upcoming post.
61. Aussie 3 minute miracle is the only conditioner I will use.
62. I am addicted to chocolate. I would eat it at every meal, every day, for the rest of my life. I am serious.
63. I am addicted to flip flops. The chiropractor said they didn't give enough support. I tried to tell him how comfy yellow boxes are. He didn't listen. I will cry if I have to give up my flip flops. Maybe I can just have them in small doses?
64. I hope I am being coherent. I think I may have sleep deprivation.
65. My in-laws are wonderful. My mother-in-law is one of my best friends.
66. My Grandma made the quilt that is on my bed and gave it to me 10 years ago with a baby quilt. She gave every grandchild a quilt when they got married and a baby quilt for each child they had. She knew she wouldn't be able to quilt by the time I was ready for them, so she made sure I would already have them when I needed them. I didn't start using it until after she died. It is one of my most treasured possessions.
67. I want to learn to quilt.
68. I can draw anything you want on a cake using icing, but I can't draw it on paper with a pencil.
69. I know how to make my own cookie cutters.
70. I HATE the oven in this apartment.
71. I love the ceramic tile floors though.
72. I love Vera Bradley accessories. Especially Pink Elephants.
73. I love watching movies and DVDs of TV seasons. We have several hundred DVDs.
74. One of my favorite shows is Dexter. I'm really looking forward to the next season. I feel twisted for liking it so much.
75. I like playing video games.
76. My apartment is always a mess. I haven't let anyone in the computer room in at least a year.
77. It is impossible for me to choose a favorite song, book, movie, etc. when someone asks. If it's narrowed down I do better. You know, instead of someone saying "What's your favorite movie?" they say "What's your favorite comedy movie starring Tom Hanks?" instead. I like specifics.
78. I'm always afraid of sounding like an idiot.
79. I have several really great friends that live in other cities or states, but other than my husband, I only have 1 person whom I consider a good friend living in the same city as me (and she's been gone all summer).
80. I collect Coca-Cola memorabilia.
81. I want my "dream kitchen" to be in the style of a 50s diner. Black and white checkered floors, real bar stools, stainless steel appliances. Instead of a table in the kitchen, I want a big corner booth. Red of course. I can picture it all in my mind.
82. My biggest regret in life was not being there for an old friend when her grandparents passed away.
83. I almost never talk about politics with anyone other than my husband.
84. I usually vote Democrat.
85. I don't like having to defend my views. Or having someone else's political views shoved down my throat.
86. Sometimes I have to agree to disagree.
87. I like to play board games. Scrabble is my favorite.
88. I have had to wear glasses since I was 12.
89. My husband also wears glasses. This makes me worry for the vision of our future children.
90. I worry. A lot. About a lot of things. I know I shouldn't. I repeat Matthew 6:34 over and over in my head. Maybe one day it will kick in.
91. There are literally 15 or more churches within a 5 mile radius of my home. Only one person has invited me to church in the 7 years I've lived in this city. I knew the person. Other than her, no one from any church in this city has ever reached out to me. I have not seen or heard a church here do any kind of community outreach other than putting up a sign saying "Welcome college students." It bothers me.
92. Another thing that bothers me is people who don't use turn signals. That drives me NUTS!
93. I cuss, curse, swear, whatever you want to call it, too much. I'm working on that.
94. I procrastinate way too much.
95. I need to lose 50 pounds.
96. We've been following some of Dave Ramsey's advice and it's helped us a lot.
97. The sounds of birds singing and crickets chirping gets on my nerves.
98. I have never broken a bone.
99. I sometimes smell cigarette smoke that isn't there, I think it's due to chronic post nasal drip.
100. I have not eaten at McDonald's since I saw Super Size Me.
It was hard to think of this many things about myself that others might find remotely interesting. Well, maybe now you know me a little better. It took me 4 hours to write this and now at 8 a.m. I'm finally sleepy.